IDK Y I SLEEP, ALL IT DOES IS REMIND ME MEMORIES OF MY BEST FRIEND. MEMORIES THAT I JUS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I WONDER IF I QUIT MY JOB WELL THINGS GET BETTER ? LIKE WOULD ALL THE BULLSHIT STOP ? EH W.E. IDC ANYMORE, TO CARE IS WASTE MY TIME WIT LIL THINGS.

This year has been a bad year, I have no good memories of this year well expect the 3-day weekend I had in June. But other then that it hasn’t been a good year. I’ve just been a big let down to everyone, especially to my best friend. We done nothing but fight this year. Said something and done some things we regret. Even now we are fighting and make me think if we r going to continue til New Year’s Eve. I don’t care where I’m at on New Year’s Eve, just I wanna be next to you when the clock strikes 12. Be able to hug you and welcome the New Year. A fresh start, new adventure’s, new battles to overcome, and new places to see. I know I’ve broken promises, hurt you, lied, many other things but I do need you more than you’ll ever know. Hopefully I get my second chance at you cause your everything me, ans starting a New Year without is like it will never start at all.

I sit in this classroom thinking about yesterday. I step in inside that house and felt strange like everything was new to me. I say hi to people I known but it felt like I was saying hi for the first time. Missing my second family. Missing you, having clips of memories running thru my mind and there all of you. So when does movie end and does it even have a happy ending? Or happy ending just an illusion of the mind? Were we an illusion? It felt real, did it feel real to you?

I guess mother nature knows what ima do today. I wish it wud rain all day

The path I walk, is path nobody will choose. I walk it alone and I don’t want no one to to follow me because it best that way. It better to this way so no one has to bare this burden. 

Hmm. Truth? What is the truth? What is honesty? Is it things that need to be said to a person so they know what there doing wrong? Or is it when someone need a reality check from the world? They say the truth hurts, maybe that’s why everyone lies to each other, so they don’t hurt each other. I stay far away from the truth, I stay so far away from it that the world I live in is a lie. I’m a walking lie; you see the foot prints I leave behind are lie because they ain’t leading you to me. My own heart lies to me, it tells me it beating but it really isn’t. My heart is dead, it just there pretending for others. but it die a long time ago. They say they want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but truth so help me god. This ain’t court and I haven’t broken any laws. Just know that the lie I live for, is for protecting those around me. I wear there armor so they won’t have to fight. My motivation, my reason for living is all in my back pocket. i hear what everyone saying I just go about my own way. The lying way

Hmmm true fake friends out the picture. Wow dat all I was just another nigga push aside. W.e Bro

I try move slow but time move fast. Trying stay back so I can fix the past but time isn’t letting me. Or is it really time that isn’t letting me. They say time heals all, but it been one month and I’m still bleeding. I stunt around here looking like I ain’t hurt, but those who know me see that I’m wounded. But you don’t care, cause you let your hate, anger blind you. Cause you say  you hate what I’ve become meaning you hate me or is it really me you hate? Tired fighting for you but I always got shot down. All you see is my plane, crash and burn ashes. Now I’m just memory, a memory that will slowly faded away.Fading is what happening to us. You use to see my colors now you just see right past me. I’m just ghost that haunts you in your heart. Well you can find my grave right next to park were I got hit.

I thought we’d be forever and always
You were serenity
You took away the bad days
Didn’t always treat you right
But it was OK
I do somethin’ stupid
And you still stay with me
But you can only go for so long
Doing the one you claim to love wrong
Before too much is enough
You look up
Find your love gone
And
We were so good together
How come we could not weather
This storm and just do better
Why did we say goodbye

Sometime I think I just need to leave Jersey because seeing the faces of people I still care about is too hard sometimes, just because I know they won’t speak to me. I wish they understand that I’m really happy with this girl. Even though I mess my friendships with others, with her I did it the right way. I want to continue on that path because I’m seeing something I never saw before. I’m doing things I never though I would do. I won’t say on them on here because it is private. I wanna tell everything I do, how things are going. I still need you and I always will. Your like family to me, which mean your very dear to me. I know your hurt, I can see it. I can see your heart is telling you wanna fix it but your going against. Everyone says that were gonna start talking to each other but I know you won’t and even if I try to, you won’t let me in because of the pain I cause you. I know you still care because you the have the card I sent on V-day with the flowers I sent you. I still look at the chain that says ” Migna Best Friend”. You said I never came back but i always been right there. I’m always there even when you don’t think I am. I still try to have fun and hang out, that something you taught me though. But I’m that part of which is were you are. That spark that you light back in 2009, some how I feel it slowly dying out. I’m just saying I need you back, cause it ain’t right without you.